Friday, August 8, 2014

The Universal Bro Code

The Bro Code Rules

1) You must always have your bro’s back. No exceptions.

2) When your bro’s girlfriend inquires about his whereabouts you know nothing, always.

3) You are only obligated to wingman for one bro per social event, after that the bro is on his own.

4) When a bro designates you as his wingman, you may not fail him. This is the most important role a bro may play for a bro, and may not be violated or debauched.

5) You must always do whatever is in your power to stop a bro from soiling himself with a poor looking girl. Unless the bro is able to stand up, look you in the eye, and articulate that he is to a decent extent sober. Then you are absolved of any responsibility.

6) When a bro pays for all the alcohol for an occasion himself, this must be made known to all present and made out to be the greatest feat ever observed in human history. A bro may skip out on kicking in for beer if he has done this recently.

7) A bro must always respect another bro’s car, house, and parents.

8) Love thy father and mother. A bro will never ever get with a bro’s biological mother or sister. Step sisters and mothers are fair game.

9) When a bro is showing his bro’s his new ride, he is always required to open the hood and showcase the contents. All bros present are required to admire the content, even if they know nothing about cars.

10) When a bro asks a bro what he thinks of his girlfriend or date, a bro is always required to give an honest answer. The phrase, “I’d bang her” is off limits.

11) A bro will never ever leave his bros without a ride. A bro may never be allowed to walk alone more than 2 blocks.

12) A bro will never ask for gas money for a ride unless he truly is hard up, or the ride exceeds the distance of 20 miles.

13) When gas money for a ride is offered, it may be accepted. Use your own bro-judgment to determine if you should accept.

14) A bro shall never make another bro ashamed for hooking up with a girl. Even if she was truly nasty, a bro will make excuses for his bro. Example, “you were drunk so…”

15) If a bro is terrible at sports, excuses may be made, no matter how bad they are. Good bros will start to play worse so that their bro doesn’t look so bad.

16) A bro will never make another bro look bad in front of a target girl. The wingman should swiftly punish any such attempts. Afterwards the bro who infringed upon this rule may be confronted by the whole circle of bros.

17) A bro will always ask around before taking the last of anything. If a bro should ask you if its alright, unless the need is great or direct ownership is applied, you will let him have it. Common courtesy and the bro code go hand in hand.

18) A chick may be included in the bro code if she has proven herself worthy via general bro concession.

19) A chick may never be informed of the sacred rules of the bro code. A chick may be treated as a bro but never told of the rules. When reprimanding a girl for an infringement of the bro code, say “its just common courtesy.”

20) A bro will never let another bro drive drunk. Space must always be found or made for a drunk bro who needs to leave. If necessary, the theft of phone and keys shall be done for his own good. (exception: a designated group drunk driver exists, this bro has mastered the art of driving under the influence and has proven his worth)

21) A bro will never allow another bro to drunk dial or txt a girl. No exceptions to this rule. When a bro is truly smashed and his girl calls, the phone will be confiscated until a sober state of mind is achieved.

22) If a bro’s girlfriend calls you and asks about a bros actions the previous night, (I.e. the bro claimed to be sleeping at a friend’s house) you will always claim that yes he was there and you may even claim he is still there. Studies show that 8 out of 10 bros will do this without thinking. The other 2 bros claimed he was still with them but unavailable to talk.

23) You will always make excuses for a bros actions, no matter how obscene. All things done by a drunk bro must be forgiven. No exceptions.

24) A bro should always be allowed to make amends for his actions.

25) A bro will always give his bro’s girl a ride to wherever, so long as restitutions are made for the action.

26) A bro will never give detail when describing a sexual encounter. Doing so will force your bro to imagine you naked and this is unforgivable.

27) A bro will always do his best to help another bro’s self esteem. The Alpha-Bro should always be handing out the wisdom and power of his skill. A bro will always recognize the master seducer of the group.

28) A bro should never ever under any circumstances sleep with a bro’s ex-girlfriend. A bro may proceed to make moves on another bro’s failed target (he got rejected) but only after asking permission first. If the bro declines your invitation to bust some moves, you must adhere to his wishes and find a new target.

29) If permission for rule 28 has been given by a bro, and success is evident for yourself. One must always put it down to it being the girl’s preference and not due to your superior abilities. If a bro proceeds to become butt-hurt about your success where he failed, you are under no obligations to make him feel better or apologize for your success.

30) A bro will always take care of a bro who is blacked out, throwing up, and incase parents or girlfriend call. If a bro’s parents demand he comes home immediately, one will immediately allow him to use a shower and whatever else is necessary to make sure a bro receives no enemy fire on the home front.

31) A bro will always tell a bro what he did when he was blacked out. No matter how bad.

32) A bro must always maintain a safe physical distance from a bro’s girl, especially when drinking. Physical contact may only be made with a bro’s girl, when saying good bye. No exceptions.

33) A bro will always do his best to stop a bro from getting tattoos. A bro’s skin is the largest organ he has and the second most important. Especially if the tattoo is of a girl. Chicks will dump you and play with your heart, but a bro will protect you like his own private parts.

34) When a promise is made, it shall be kept. And under no circumstances shall it be broken.

35) The way of the bro is sacred, cherish it like a sect or cult. The bro life is like being in Jedi training camp. You must always show your bro love and be joyous when bro love is shown to you.

36) Bro-mance is allowed but only among your tightest bros. Never take your bro-mance too far. And if anyone should remark negatively upon your bro-mance. An immediate beat down should ensue. Should a girl comment negatively upon the bro-mance, kindly explain to her that she will never know love from a man such as you and your bros share. And let her know what a privilege it is to be a mere witness to your glory.

37) The fist bump is a bro’s greatest weapon aside from the bro code itself. It should be used to show support, acceptance, pride, and it is an all around green light for an action that was committed. Use the fist bump often, and show constant appreciation for your bro’s jokes and skills with it.

38) Corollary to rule 37, the denial of a bro’s fist bump is a terribly powerful slap in the face. To deny a fist bump is no light thing, and should only be done when there is very great disapproval of an action.

39) Never refer to a bro by his last name, this is a sign of disrespect. Always refer to a bro by their name, nickname, or any standard bro word.

40) Standard bro names include but are not limited to; bro, dude, man, and anything with bro in it. (example: broham.)

41) Always respect a bro’s viewpoints about anything from politics to cars to religion. The only time a bro’s views do not matter is when they conflict with the bro code. If such a case should happen, the bro should be immediately evicted from the bro circle, until correctional actions have been made.

42) A bro should always treat for food when a bro is broke. Signs that a bro is broke are phrases like, “I’d rather eat at home”, “I’m not hungry”, “I just ate”, and finally “I’m trying to save money so ill eat at home.”

43) Similar to rule 42, when discussing the purchase of party beverages, if a bro declines to offer money. The other bros should cover for him. No bro should be denied thirst quenching goodness just because it’s a tight week or month.

44) A good bro will always encourage his bros to be an Alpha-Bro when it comes to talking to girls. If necessary demonstrations of your prowess may be made to give your bros something to work with.

45) A bro is only allowed to do really stupid things when he is really drunk. A bro may be denied further access to alcohol when it is obvious he has drunk too much already.

46) All things must be forgiven among bros, with the exception being your drunk bro feels up your girlfriend. This allows for an immediate punch to the face, but only after all other bros have been told and are gathered to watch the punishment. Before the blow is delivered, your drunk bro must have the situation explained to him. Because he is drunk, he will probably agree that he needs to be punched.

47) Under no circumstances should a bro ever be hit in the genitals for any reason. EVER!

48) You should only ever make fun of a bro for minor things that don’t affect their physical attributes. Example, dam man you got really goofy shoes.  The exception is for something that doesn’t exist, example; making fun of your friend for having man-boobs when he clearly doesn’t.

49) The only time that cockblocking is condoned by the bro code is when the designated cockblocker (aka the bombardier) has viable reasons to stop a bro from hooking up with a girl.

50) The Golden bro rule that everyone knows, Bros over hoes. This rule may be seasoned to taste by the bros themselves. Example; Bros over hoes except at the close. This rule of the bro code is what sets the male gender apart from the female gender. It is the very essence of the bro code, and embodies the true awesomeness that is bro love.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Still a Lucky Bastard

Following a 6-day long straight shift, i wasn't expecting anything but long sleep. I managed to sleep few hours after the last shift but I made the decision to get up in my lazy bed and visit an old friend in Pasig City. I used to do it each rest day just to fool myself that I am away from the office thus far from the source of stress.

While derping in the over pass, I checked the outside pocket of my bag after remembering a news about an asshole who stole a purse from a lady's back pack. The pocket was close so there is nothing to worry about. I am already in hepa-lane when I saw a kwek-kwek vendor and since I am a big fan of street foods and haven't taken anything since this morning, I decided to eat. 

I spend just twenty pesos for three pieces of kwek-kwek and hotdog-cuts but since I don't have change for my fare, I picked up my wallet and get a hundred bill to pay. As far as I remember, I put my wallet back to its original location. After eating, I keep on walking in front on FEU, I saw a sticker vendor and bought a religious-themed sticker to put on my laptop later on. I used the change that I got from my pocket so I did not touch my wallet anymore.

I keep on walking and then I reached Recto where I waited for an FX heading to Megamall where I will be meeting a friend. When I get on the FX, I am about to get my wallet back to pay my fare but the outside pocket of my back pack is already open. I wonder why and I search for my wallet. It is no longer there. Too bad for me.

Instead of paying the fare, I alight from the car and get inside Manila Plaza to do scavenger hunt on my backpack hoping that my wallet is there but unfortunately it is not there anymore. Somebody sequestered my wallet. I wanna go back to where I came from but I know that even if I go back, there is almost zero chance in getting it back so I didn't go back anymore.

I was out of my mind for about five minutes and when I get back on my consciousness I am already riding a bus going to Robinsons Galleria. I called my friend whom I am about to meet and reported what happened. Well, it wasn't my first time to be victimized by those assholes so I calmed myself and try to think of what is in my pocket. I have some cash, PRC and IVT licenses, ATMs, loyalty and discount cards, pictures, receipts and some other important mementos.

I reached galleria and smoke just to calm myself though I am acting as if nothing bad just happened. I sat on a bench and waited for 15 minutes. How lucky am I to have someone who always there to save me in this situation. I don't blame anybody to what had happened because I learned from "The Book of Secrets" that everything happened for a reason.

When I lost my motorcycle and wallet, I can't sleep for at least a couple of nights but this time, I managed to get a sound sleep still. Maybe because I already have a positive outlook towards life unlike before. I am quite sad for an hour or so but Acceptance is quick. No more anger, bargaining and depression though denial is there.

It was indeed a bad day for my wallet. However, I still consider myself a lucky bastard because at least, I still have money for my fare. My issue is more in getting a replacement for my IDs and ATM cards. God Bless to the one who sequestered my wallet. It was a gift from my brother asshole so I hope you get drunk last night using my money. At least someone is happy to what happened. #

Saturday, March 1, 2014

A Letter for 50-year-old Wardman

Today is March 01, 2014, it is your 26th or should I say sixth and a half birthday and it is about to end in an hour. I hope you are happier right now reading this letter and if you happened to be married, I hope you are not annulled or divorced.

This is the short version of your 20-pages letter to the older you so i hope you are still alive so you can read it.

I hope you already accomplished even just half of your goals which is about an inch lesser to impossible. I hope you already visited 70 to 80 percent of the country and at least went to either The US or Europe once or twice. I hope you have less regrets because of the stupid decisions you've created as a result of your stubbornness.

I hope you are not yet dying due to lung cancer or any lung disease due to smoking. You made the decision to minimize drinking alcohol a couple of years back so I wish you managed to do that until now so it is just your lung that you need to worry and not your liver.

I hope you are rich now because at present, you are dragging yourself in going to work just to have sufficient fund for your bills. You hate bills that much and I hope you already accepted the fact that bills are part of life and you cannot just ignore them. I hope you finally realize the importance of having your own house because at present, you are just staying in an apartment and making your landlady happy at the end of each month because the biggest part of your salary goes to her bank account.

I hope your family is proud to what you've become and if not at least not disappointed. You might have expanded your connections by now and I just hope that you've learned your lesson already in terms of kinship and friendship. You are no longer in the middle life, you are about to say goodbye to the living world so I hope you are wiser now in making decisions.

I know that you have a lot of regrets, I know that your mindset by now might be the complete opposite of your thoughts in your mid 20s but i still hope that you are contented on whatever you have and whatever you've done in the past half century.

You might be laughing while reading this letter because you strongly believe that you have hidden talent in writing compositions even if there isn't. You might be smiling because you remember how stupid you are in several aspects but nobody will bother to read this letter of stupidity so forget about your worries. 

There are only only two thing that I want to remind you, In your 20s, you have a lot of doubts and questions so I just hope you already find the answer because admit it to your self, your story is about to end. One more thing, I hope you already found the purpose of your life. You are not a bad person in your mid 20's so I hope if you changed, it is for the better.

I want to say Thank You to the few people who remembered my birthday. I know this might sound so emotional for some folks but I don't care besides its my day so give me a break. I can only count the people using my fingers who remembered this day so I want you to know that I appreciate it so much.

In 13 minutes, it is no longer my birthday so I will stop my dramas and I will publish it even if the private side of me keeps on objecting it! I've been awake for more than 24 hours now so I have to sleep because my bastard side overpowers my sanity if I kept on fighting the urge to sleep. #

Monday, January 20, 2014

Small Things can Make Big Changes

Shit happens and bad things happen to good people. Those are realities that we have to accept, simply because they are facts that are happening to each and every single day to different people all over the globe.

Whiles I am browsing books in a famous bookstore in the Metro, I came across with the book entitled “The Book of Awesome”. The title including the layout of the cover attracted my attention thus; I picked it up and browse thereafter. I’ve discovered that it is a compilation of simple yet good things that are happening daily that most folks tend to ignore.

I pick a random page to read. It is about the cool side of the pillow. I have a lot of sleepless nights not because I have lots of big problems that are bothering me but simply because I was so used in being awake all night due to the nature of my job.

I usually flip the pillow from time to time because I know that the other side of the pillow is cooler and it feels really good. I never consider it as one of my good stuff because it was so small but the book says; I need to appreciate even those small things. According to the book, we have to learn how to appreciate simple things because it helps us in focusing on the positive side just in case gigantic troubles strike us.

There is another story included in the book about falling in line in a grocery. I am a certified line hater and I hate waiting. I easily get pissed when the line is not moving regardless of the reason especially in paying the bills. I hate being stuck in traffic as well. However, there are still things that we need to be thankful for in those scenarios according to the book.

It seems so difficult to be positive when your plans seem to be not being followed. In these situations, we consider our day as bad. I am so guilty on this. Going back to the long line in the grocery, we noticed that there is an express lane that just opened. We tend to just go there and not even appreciating the situation. In addition to that, we even verbalize our frustrations at times. The book says, we need to appreciate small things for it will help us in the long run.

Whatever attitude we display and whatever thought we have in mind will be sent to the universe and will bounce back to us and will affect our future. If we think negatively, then we will receive negative things as well and if we send good ideation to the universe then, good things will happen to us. I learned this from the “Book of Secret” and I strongly believe in it.

Life is full of surprises and nobody knows what will happen tomorrow, the next day and the day after. There is no harm in focusing on the positive side anyway. In fact, if we focus on the positive side, we might save ourselves from the bad impacts of having a bad day syndrome. Everybody experienced bad days, I have bad days too, but I am starting to focus on the positive side now.  So far, I guess it is working because I seldom feel being stressed out or pressured unlike before. In fact, I started leaving my stress ball at home because I think I do not need it anymore.

Learn to appreciate small things and forget about the negative stuff. Let the negative worry about itself and remember that negatives will not cause any good so it does not deserve even one percent of your attention.